There is a feeling deep inside
And I can't explain it
An inquisitiveness that fills my soul
And I don't know why
Searching the past to find the future
Bits of truth, questions, buried lies
Faces that share a common likeness
Seeds of time passed through the blood
We are bits of those who have gone before us
Plants springing through the layers of the mud
A word or tradition makes us wonder
An action or feeling of dejavu
In dreams we see the images of strangers
Yet glimpses in their eyes of me and you
We are what our DNA makes us
It is a code that runs like a program or a plan
It tells which paths will someday be taken
The story behind each woman and each man
Each piece is like a piece within a puzzle
Cut in shapes to make the picture come alive
Some left blank to color our own scenery
But each a unique drone within the hive
Oct 31, 2011
Oct 23, 2011
How Much Suffering
So much suffering on OUR Earth
How can WE close OUR eyes?
In a world with so much wealth
How can WE just stand by?
And try to simply ignore
The misery felt by the scores
By the hundreds they fall
Death lingering at their door
Hearts and hands opened wide
Yet OUR world still denies
No food in their bellies
Only the sounds of their cries
Some slaughtered like animals
In genocidal wars
Butchered by evil men
Are the helpless and poor
From the Cherokee Trail of Tears
To the African Sudan
Clans wiped out for their differences
Tagged less important by man
And in the bigger world cities
Left to suffer in pain
Are lost on the streets homeless
Trapped in poverty and chains
Mentally ill on the streets
Or else rotting in jails
No hope for recovery
Their minds are impaired
Situations quite hopeless
Trying to escape
But the obstacles are unsurpassable
Of their dignity they are raped
And AIDS and other diseases
Keep them under government control
No universal healthcare for medicines
It keeps high the toll
Times passes on
And things stay the same
The only thing different
Are the rolls with the names
So much suffering on OUR earth
In a world with so much wealth
NEVER fail to believe
That God travels in stealth
He sees all the anguishing
Hears the cries of EACH child
He watches and waits
As they are exiled
From the necessities of living
While the rest never see the need
And he hangs his head in disgust
At the arrogance and greed!
Oct 19, 2011
CHAPTER 1
How does one begin to summarize their life? I was born in rural Ohio. My father was an automotive mechanic. He liked building stock cars, coon hunting, and playing softball. My mom was a housewife and mother. Her favorite television shows were “As the World Turns” and “Murder She Wrote”. In her early twenties she developed paranoia schizophrenia. After a series of nervous break downs and hospitalizations she was placed on an anti psychotic medicine. She remained on this throughout her entire life.
I had one sibling, a sister, 4 years older than me.
We lived in 3 different places growing up. The first was a mobile home. Life was pretty much normal then, until we had neighbors move in beside us. The husband/ father of this family was in prison and the wife/ mother was an alcoholic. Their kids were pretty much left to fend for themselves. They would be on our front porch every morning, half dressed, carrying beer bottles, and would often times defecate on the porch or in the yard. The boys would steal our toys, throw worms in mom’s hair while gardening, and would often times punch me and my sister. That’s when dad decided to move. He rented us a house about 8 miles away. It was a huge house with lots of acres. We were told that the person who lived there before had hung himself, whether this was true we never knew. We did however find a crucifix, St. Christopher’s Medal, and a Catholic Priest Bible in the upstairs in a pile of trash. We never used the upstairs. Dad didn’t want the expense of heating a second floor so we never went up there. Downstairs we had the kitchen, a bathroom, living room/ bedroom, another bedroom, and a large spare room. The spare room was also closed off and we used it basically for storage. The landlord rented the farm buildings to people from town. They owned horses and ponies. We were able to play with these majestic animals daily and learned to consider them our own. When I was very young I used to climb the apple trees in the west field. I would pick apples from the higher branches and feed the ponies and horses. I also used to climb high in the corn cribs collecting ears of corn that had been left. The animals loved this treat. Some of the names of these wonderful animals was: Spice, Duke, Betsey, Pumpkin, Cherry Blossom, Charger, and Firefly. We had lots of cats and various hound dogs, bikes, a swing set, and lots of imagination. Looking back on those early years I suppose we would have been considered poor by most standards but we never considered ourselves such.
When I was 11 the landlord sold the property where we were living. He happened to own another very close to where we had originally lived. The horrible neighbors from our early years had done since moved away. It was a fair size farmhouse back a long country lane. It had three bedrooms upstairs, one downstairs, a kitchen and a living room. It didn’t have a bathroom though. The house had been rebuilt in the 50’s after the original dwelling had burned down. Why they didn’t put in an inside restroom is beyond me. There was an outhouse in the back yard, but we used chamber pots. Now that was an experience! These resemble cooking pots with lids. You basically use them like a toilet, but they must be dumped and cleaned periodically, a job that fell to my mother. I never realized what my mom put up with. It couldn’t have been easy what with two children and her. My dad used the outhouse, not sure why.
How does one begin to summarize their life? I was born in rural Ohio. My father was an automotive mechanic. He liked building stock cars, coon hunting, and playing softball. My mom was a housewife and mother. Her favorite television shows were “As the World Turns” and “Murder She Wrote”. In her early twenties she developed paranoia schizophrenia. After a series of nervous break downs and hospitalizations she was placed on an anti psychotic medicine. She remained on this throughout her entire life.
I had one sibling, a sister, 4 years older than me.
We lived in 3 different places growing up. The first was a mobile home. Life was pretty much normal then, until we had neighbors move in beside us. The husband/ father of this family was in prison and the wife/ mother was an alcoholic. Their kids were pretty much left to fend for themselves. They would be on our front porch every morning, half dressed, carrying beer bottles, and would often times defecate on the porch or in the yard. The boys would steal our toys, throw worms in mom’s hair while gardening, and would often times punch me and my sister. That’s when dad decided to move. He rented us a house about 8 miles away. It was a huge house with lots of acres. We were told that the person who lived there before had hung himself, whether this was true we never knew. We did however find a crucifix, St. Christopher’s Medal, and a Catholic Priest Bible in the upstairs in a pile of trash. We never used the upstairs. Dad didn’t want the expense of heating a second floor so we never went up there. Downstairs we had the kitchen, a bathroom, living room/ bedroom, another bedroom, and a large spare room. The spare room was also closed off and we used it basically for storage. The landlord rented the farm buildings to people from town. They owned horses and ponies. We were able to play with these majestic animals daily and learned to consider them our own. When I was very young I used to climb the apple trees in the west field. I would pick apples from the higher branches and feed the ponies and horses. I also used to climb high in the corn cribs collecting ears of corn that had been left. The animals loved this treat. Some of the names of these wonderful animals was: Spice, Duke, Betsey, Pumpkin, Cherry Blossom, Charger, and Firefly. We had lots of cats and various hound dogs, bikes, a swing set, and lots of imagination. Looking back on those early years I suppose we would have been considered poor by most standards but we never considered ourselves such.
When I was 11 the landlord sold the property where we were living. He happened to own another very close to where we had originally lived. The horrible neighbors from our early years had done since moved away. It was a fair size farmhouse back a long country lane. It had three bedrooms upstairs, one downstairs, a kitchen and a living room. It didn’t have a bathroom though. The house had been rebuilt in the 50’s after the original dwelling had burned down. Why they didn’t put in an inside restroom is beyond me. There was an outhouse in the back yard, but we used chamber pots. Now that was an experience! These resemble cooking pots with lids. You basically use them like a toilet, but they must be dumped and cleaned periodically, a job that fell to my mother. I never realized what my mom put up with. It couldn’t have been easy what with two children and her. My dad used the outhouse, not sure why.
Oct 4, 2011
The Day Mom Died
on a cold January day
only a few years ago
the ground was still frozen
from a long winter's snow
my mom lay there dying
in an old mobile home by the lake
my heart was in pieces
quickly to break
and the phone rang loudly
the timing was all wrong
but I answered it bravely
and tried to be strong
the voice on the line
was short and abrupt
demanding a payment
when my tears would interrupt
"it's not a good time"
I tried to explain
"your mom is late on her bill"
They rudely complained
Well, mom was busy dying
each breath closer to death than the last
and I felt belittled and totally harassed
It's the American way
The best health care system around
but only for the wealthy,
the influential - the renown
God help the poor, the weak,
or the lame
All men are not created equal
And never treated the same
Those in America
with money and means
They worry for nothing
Their grass always green
But those who just survive
Who inherited only their name
are made to feel they deserve less
Embarrassed and ashamed
I find it hard to believe
That "one nation under God"
Was meant to be cruel
With such an arrogant façade
only a few years ago
the ground was still frozen
from a long winter's snow
my mom lay there dying
in an old mobile home by the lake
my heart was in pieces
quickly to break
and the phone rang loudly
the timing was all wrong
but I answered it bravely
and tried to be strong
the voice on the line
was short and abrupt
demanding a payment
when my tears would interrupt
"it's not a good time"
I tried to explain
"your mom is late on her bill"
They rudely complained
Well, mom was busy dying
each breath closer to death than the last
and I felt belittled and totally harassed
It's the American way
The best health care system around
but only for the wealthy,
the influential - the renown
God help the poor, the weak,
or the lame
All men are not created equal
And never treated the same
Those in America
with money and means
They worry for nothing
Their grass always green
But those who just survive
Who inherited only their name
are made to feel they deserve less
Embarrassed and ashamed
I find it hard to believe
That "one nation under God"
Was meant to be cruel
With such an arrogant façade
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